Admit It
by blacksunset1214
Summary: Although young love is sweet, it dies as quickly as it starts. [You can't have both.] I know that; I just don't know who to pick. Entry for the Drawing Dare on the Dares Forum.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first chapter for my entry for the Drawing Dare on the Dares Forum. I tried going with a different writing style this time. The phrases in parenthesis are Lillian's thoughts, or little side-notes and the sentences in brackets are somebody else (or maybe her conscience) speaking. Enjoy!**

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I am his true love. That's what he tells me. An 'I love you' every day, and an 'I think fate decided to push us together' (something along the lines of that), pretty often. And, well, I love him too. Very much, in case you were wondering.

Maybe that's why I feel so guilty. [Or maybe it's because you know he loves you to death.] Shut up.

See, we met two years ago, when I moved to Bluebell. It was love at first sight, really. We started dating shortly after. I haven't told anyone this (so you shouldn't, either) but, I sortofkindofmaybe (really) wish we hadn't started to date so soon. If we'd just waited, I would have had the time to discover my feelings for _him._

You know, they say that young love starts out sweet, and then dies in the blink of an eye. (Whoever "they" are.) I admit that it kind of happened between Ash and I; but not completely! I still love him. [Like a brother, maybe.] Oh, shush.

His little sister, Cheryl, is a whole other story. Let's just say that she hates me, and Ash is completely oblivious to it. And when I say completely, I mean completely. Whenever he's near, she acts all sweet and innocent. That façade completely changes when he leaves; she becomes a tiny monster. Because of that, the fighting began. Ash refused to believe me about anything I told him; how she pushed me, how she put a bug in my hair, how she "accidentally" dropped her red velvet cupcake (it just so happened to fall onto my lap and stain my new clothes). Sometimes they would get so bad, I would start to cry. That's when _he_ came into the picture.

The first time he found me crying was after a particularly nasty fight (name-calling, swearing, and the like), in the mountains. Before then, I'd only talked to him a few times. We never really made an attempt to get to know each other. Just a meet n' greet type thing. Anyways, I had no idea what section of the mountain I was in, but he found me. His eyes were so kind, and he sat down next to me. We talked for hours. He made me feel… (Oh goddess, how do you describe this?) He made me feel… Special. [You're blushing.] I am not! [Yes, you are. Look at your face, it rivals a tomato.] … Be quiet.

The point is, he makes me feel loved. I felt a spark; he did, too (I'm sure of it). When I was talking to him, he made me feel so much better. When the sun started to set, we said our goodbyes. We both agreed to meet again the next day. And we did. We met, and we talked for hours and hours; by three oh clock, things escalated. The butterflies kept swirling around in my tummy, and whenever he leaned closer to me, I would inhale his scent and I would blank out for a second and boy did he smell good. Before I knew it, I leaned in and kissed him and he kissed me back. I felt like I was flying (partially due to the fact that the butterflies were still swirling, I'm guessing). His lips were buttery smooth soft. [That phrase doesn't even make any sense.] It does in my world. Besides, you know what I mean.

But that's what started the affair. I loved- ahem, _love_ Ash. [Yeah, sure] It's true. He's my first love, and I'll always love him (just not in the way he wants me to). That's the problem.

My romantic feelings for Ash have died down (are you happy now? I'm admitting it), and have been replaced with my love for _him_. Ash is still unaware of my affair (and you better not say a thing); he still loves me. If I broke up with him, he would be crushed. He's my best friend; I can't risk losing somebody like him… And even if I did break-up with him, I'd still have to see him every day (that would be awkward).

On the other hand, there's _him_. I've never felt this way about anybody. He's the love of my life. He's caring, smart, handsome… If I didn't go with him, I would spend the rest of my life regretting it. What if he gets married to somebody else (I'd have to see him with her every day), or moves to the city (Then I wouldn't even get to see him.)? (Or worse; marries a super-hot model in the city. Goddess, I don't even want to think about that one.)

I don't know what to do.

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**I wrote this chapter in a style definitely different from what I'm used to, but it was really fun to write. I hope it isn't too confusing (with the parenthesis and brackets and whatnot). There will be two chapters in this, so the next one will be going up soon. That's when there'll be some Lillian/Ash interaction, and she'll maker her decision. Well, I hope you liked it (a review would be awesome)! Until next time.**

**- blacksunset1214**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah, here's the second chapter, written in Lillian's point of view. Enjoy. **

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Ash and I walked hand in hand in the outskirts of the village. He fidgeted more than usual, and his palms were sweaty. We finally reached our destination, a simple picnic near the river.

"You're so sweet," I plopped down on the red n' white checkered blanket and examined the contents of the wicker picnic basket. "Let's see… Peaches, sandwiches, bread, butter… Yum, this looks so good!"

"It's nothing," Ash sat down across from me and crossed his legs. He looked away nervously for a second before turning back. "C'mon, let's eat."

I obliged and reached went to look in the basket again; instead, Ash slapped a panini into my hand.

"Try it," he said. "It's good."

"What's in it?"

"Just try it." Eh, whatever. I didn't know why he was so eager for me to eat the sandwich, but started to peel of the saran wrap anyways. As I nibbled on the edges of the crust, my mind drifted off, and I found myself thinking about _him_. What was he doing now? It's about noontime; he's probably on his break. Maybe I can meet with him after this is finished. I continued to bite down on the panini, barely tasting the corned beef (my favorite). His hair, his eyes, his personality, everything about him; it was perfect. He was perfect, my dream guy. The lov- ew. What did I just bite into? Whatever it was left a strange taste, and tickled the roof of my mouth. I spit it out onto a napkin and wadded it up, then coughed and reached for my water, taking large gulps.

As I drank, I noticed a tuft of blue fluff slowly drift down. Further and further, until it landed in my lap. Wait, did that come from my mouth? Oh my goddess. Nononono. No. This can't be happening, not now. I lifted up the bread on my half-eaten sandwich, and sure enough, I was right. A blue feather was nestled on top of the lettuce. A chunk of it was missing.

"So? … What do you say, Lillian? Will you marry me?" Ash looked at me hopefully. I stood up, not sure what I was going to do. Would it look bad if I told him I'd think about it? Ugh, Lillian, of course it would! The guy has an endless-pitfall-abyss amount of love for you. My eyes widened and welled with tears, and I chewed my lip. He must've mistaken that for joy, because he stood up and held my hands in his.

"I know the past couple of weeks have been rough for us; but I I'll do better, I promise. I'll talk to Cheryl; I'll make sure I have enough time to be with you. I'll do anything for you. I love you."

He wanted a response. My mouth opened and closed like a fish. I had no words. I couldn't speak. Heck, I couldn't even think properly. Should I say yes, and lose the love of my life? Or no, and lose my best friend? Instead, I do the most logical (I think) thing; I run. I let go of his hands, and then run. I never look back once; the sound of my feet pounding on the ground fills my ears and I can't hear anything else. Is he following me? I don't know. At this point, I don't really care. Run. Runrunrun.

I don't know where I am, how far I've gotten, or if I've just run around in a big circle; but my running stops when I crash into somebody. We both collapse on the ground, and I roll on my back, panting for breath. I close my eyes, and when I open them again, there's an outstretched hand in front of me. Behind it are kind eyes, a warm smile…

He helped me up, and I dusted off my skirt. "Sorry about that." I try to seem as normal as possible.

"No problem. Why were you running so quickly?"

"Ash…" I mumbled. My smile dropped and he seemed to get the picture. Or at least, part of it.

"What did he do this time? What did he say?" He pressed. His voice grew more concerned and angry.

"Nothing, nothing." I shook my head. "We didn't fight. It's just…"

"What?" He's calmer now, and grabs my one of my hands and smiles at me to go on. I feel all tingly, and don't even notice the faint crunching of leaves in the background.

"He… Um… He proposed to me."

Silence.

_Cricket. Cricket._

"Oh," He says lamely. His smile drops. "… What did you, um, say?"

"I didn't say anything. I ran away."

"… Do you think you might say yes to him?"

"I don't know. He's somebody I don't want to lose. He's my best friend; the first person to welcome me here and help me out when I needed it."

"… I, um, I understand. If you marry him, I'll still be happy for you. Just remember; I'll always love you, okay?" He starts to walk away.

"Wait," I grab his hand and pull him towards me once more. As if by instinct, my other hand reaches up to the back of his neck, and pushes our heads together to lock into a passionate kiss. Eventually he wraps an arm around my waist and returns it. My head spins and my stomach is fluttery once again. We're so lost in our own world, we fail to hear the crunches. They get louder, and louder, and louder, until there was silence. That's when we break apart for air, and I see his eyes widen. When I turn around, it takes me awhile to register what's going on. Ash is standing in front of us; his expression is unreadable.

"Is he why you ran away from me?" His voice is scary-calm. "Him, of all people? Lillian, how could you?" Voice crack.

It takes me a moment to find my voice. When I speak, I squeak, like a mouse. "Ash… I-I meant to tell you-"

"When? In three years? Oh please. Lillian, I think we both know you wouldn't have told me anytime soon." His expression is stone-cold. "Thanks for leading me on for two years."

I stutter, trying to give an explanation, but nothing comes out. Ash eventually turns on his heel and walks back towards the village, leaving us behind. I start to chase after him, but stop halfway.

_He_ still stood behind me, not saying a word; frozen in his spot. His expression is hurt. I turn around and go back to him and grab his hand and smile reassuringly at him.

"I love you."

Nothing good in life is ever free.

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**There you have it. I hope you enjoyed! I definitely had a lot of trouble in the end, I hope it didn't show that much. When I wrote the first chapter, I honestly had no idea who she would choose, and I had a hard time deciding. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that she probably wouldn't stay away from him, even if she was married to Ash already. As for the identity of "him", I left it open ended, because it could be anybody you want it to be. That's what I was going for. Until next time.**

**Edit 12/13/12: minor revisions, added some stuff in.**

**-blacksunset1214**


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